Aly in Wonderland


Twilight - Stephenie Meyer, Stephenie Meyer More reviews can be found at The Beautiful World of Books!

Disclaimer: If you're a fan of the Twilight series, please stay away from this review! I will not give trolls the time of day, and will flag each and every one of your comments. Thank you!

Once upon a time, there was a bookstore I adored: Best Books, which sold retail books for £4 or less and had constant deals on. One day, I ventured in and found, to my utter surprise (because a lot of the time, the books are rubbish) a book that grabbed my attention.

[b:Twilight|41865|Twilight (Twilight, #1)|Stephenie Meyer||3212258].

When I finished said book, I was like


Yep. Although it's an easy, fast read, Twilight is all sorts of WTFuckery. I mean, chock-a-block full of WTFuckery.

Here's a couple of thing every teenage girl should know:

1) When a guy sneaks into your room to watch you sleep it's called "stalking". The basic protocol to follow when you're being stalked is:

- Kick the guy in the nuts as hard as possible.
- Call 911/999 (Whichever country you're in) as fast as possible!
- Run the fuck away from him AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.

If you think, however, that this is romantic and sexy, this is what you should do:

- Alert your family
- Ask for medical help
- Seek a psychiatrist

Because there's obviously something wrong with you.

2) When a guy you're dating stops you from having a social/normal life, this is the basic protocol you should follow:

- Kick him in the nuts
- Run the fuck away
And if he hasn't received the hint: - Break up with him!

This is called abuse and you should stop it before you get in too deep.

3) If a guy says your blood smells "delicious", you should follow this protocol:

-Dickpunch him as hard as possible
- RUN THE FUCK AWAY. He's a psychopath and you should stay clear of him!

If, however, you believe this is hot/sexy/swoon-worthy, please do the following:

- Alert your family
- Seek advice
- Call for a medical intervention as fast as possible. There's obviously something wrong with you, and you should seek help.

4) If the guy you're dating turns out to be a vampire that wants to suck your blood and do all sorts of nasties to you, do the following:

- Dick punch him
- Stake him
- Run the fuck away!

If, however, you think this is hot/sexy/swoon-worthy, please do the following:

- Go to the bathroom
- Lock the door
- Look in the mirror

If you have 'crazy eyes', then you should:

a) Call a doctor
b) Agree to be committed.

If you look normal:

a) Leave the bathroom
b) Talk to your family
c) See a psychiatrist.

Twilight is a book that no teenage girl should read. In my opinion, it promotes the stuff one should never see in a relationship. The controlling, stalking abuse of the boyfriend should be something Bella Swan ran away from, rather than embracing it with her arms wide open.

Everything that happens in the book should've ended with Bella running away as fast as possible, rather than sticking around and trying everything possible to make Edward happy. I realise this happens in a lot of YA books these days, and frankly it's horrible each and every time it happens.

So it's not an attack on Twilight itself, but on many YA books. Keep your eyes peeled, girls. This ain't love.

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