Aly in Wonderland

The Reluctant Vampire

The Reluctant Vampire - Eric Morecambe
The bat fell off Victor's shoulders in a deep sleep. Victor caught it in the toe of his Italian, hand-made shoes just before it hit the ground. He continued as if nothing had happened.
"Do you remember Mayor Goop off Katchem?"
The white-faced Doctor nodded.
"Did you ever vonder vot became off him?"
Once again the Doctor nodded and gulped.
"Vell, vould you like to take him off mine shoe ant put him on mine shoulder?"


Welcome to Katchem-by-the-Throat in the country of Gotcha. Vampires still rule with an iron fist, have a werewolf best friend called Wilf (or Vilf if you speak to King Victor) and have an entourage of human slaves.

Doctor Plump has been called to cure the prince of the "vapours". Young Valentine is very sick, and there is only one doctor that can cure him.

As everyone knows, a Vampire with the vapours is almost as bad as Frankenstein's monster with a screw loose: his head falls off.


These "vapours" are the plague of the vampire species, and King Victor will have his son cured, no matter what Doctor Plump has to say about it.

"Mine dear Doctor. If you do not cure mine younkest son, the baby of mine family, if you do not cure him... then I'm afraid you vill cure no von else, ever again. I repeat, if you do not cure him ant restore him back to normal health, thhen I'm afraid I shall have to giff you to Vernon to experiment vit. That means, Doctor Plump, that you vill probably leef this castle in a bucket.


But, horror of horrors, Prince Valentine is not dying of the vapours! He does, in fact, have a very special, very deadly secret!

"I really am hungry." Valentine slowly sat up.
The Doctor grabbed Igon by the hair and pulled a few rags from his throat and offered the exposed throat to Valentine, saying, "Here, Sir, try this until we can get you something better."
"No thank you," said Valentine nicely, much to the relief of Igon.
"I'll shake Igon for you, Sir. You're not supposed to take medicine without it being shaken."
The Doctor shook Igon so vigoruously that a cloud of dust came from his old clothes. He once again exposed Igon's neck towards Valentine.
"No thank you. I don't like blood."
For a few seconds, everyone was still.
"Pardon?"


That's right, the dear old Prince doesn't like blood... and isn't actually a vampire! As the story unfolds, we follow Doctor Plump in his awkward predicaments, a very angry King vampire who is not at all happy with this outcome and Igon, Valentine's best friend who is... "special", and Valentine's adventure as they go on the hunt for the truth and how Valentine came to be in the castle, living as a vampire.

Igon was as ugly as it was possible to be. In fact, uglier. He had only one eye, hence the name Igon. A glass eye hung round his neck in a pouch but he only used it on certain occasions such as reading the paper. He would sometimes put it in his trouser pocket to see how much money he had left.


This was a very humorous, very easy read. It's less than 150 pages long and, if I'd had the time, I'm sure I'd have finished it in a night. There are puns and jokes and everything is exaggerated to the point that it becomes truly hilarious. There are also amusing drawings of the vampire family, the Doctor, and Igon himself.



I will definitely be recommending this book to anyone who wants a light, quick, easy read and wouldn't mind having a few laughs while they're at it.

Thank you Netgalley for sending me a copy to read, pending the new publication.

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